Used

I gave a small sigh as I walked into the shared bedroom. Classes for the next week were starting up again the next day, and I was getting tired of being outside – I had been for most of the time as of late. If I wasn't outside I was in one of the old, abandoned classrooms.  I didn't have to spend my time with anyone there..... No roommate that would make his presence known all the time; even if he was just sitting on his bed, and writing all the time. Being outside didn't help all that much either. Sure, Ran normally wasn't out there, but there were all the other students that enjoyed being out in the "fresh air"....

The emotions that had been flowing through me as of late were very powerful. I didn't bother to label off every single one, but one stood out as clear as crystal – hurt. It wasn't that I was physically hurt – I had healed fully days ago – but it was my mentality that was the one hurt. I will admit that I was never the most stable to begin with, but I thought I had been getting better; even by a little. After what had happened..... I just.......

"Hisoka." I felt a hand on my arm, and that very appendage turned my body so that I was facing mismatched eyes that were filled with frustration. "We need to talk."

"About what?" I asked in my normal monotone; jerking my arm out of his loose grip. I moved closer to my bed which happened to be farther away from him – how I wanted it. "There isn't anything to talk about."

"Really?" He said, and I heard the small edge of sarcasm that captured his tone. "I think there is. I want to know why you have been ignoring me."

"I haven't been ignoring you."

"You've been avoiding me for the past two weeks."

"Avoiding and ignoring can have different meanings."

"More often than not they are used for the same thing." Ran took a step closer to me, and if I could have I would have taken another step towards my bed; there wasn't space enough for that though.

"Leave me alone." I said – my tone going quiet as I looked into his face. Didn't he remember what happened? What he did? I scoffed quietly to myself. Of course not..... He was drinking a lot..... Out of what I had seen anyway. I hadn't been near him the whole time, so I was mostly guessing; it wasn't too hard to guess when you could smell the alcohol clearly on his breathe. I could, and let's say that I wasn't a huge fan of alcohol. Maybe gin every now-and-then, but nothing to make you that drunk; nothing to make you do things like he did; nothing to make you lose your mind.

"Not until you tell me what I did." He stated as he reached out again. I looked away, and when I felt his hand on my shoulder again I was surprised to find that the touch was gentle – I shouldn't have been too surprised. He normally was gentle with me – unless we were fighting – but any other time he was somewhat kind compared to how he acted to some of the others that we had the pleasure of knowing.

"If you don't know then you don't need to know." My voice turned cold again as I looked at him. "You don't have to know to leave me alone."

"I need to know why you're ignoring me when I didn't do anything wrong!" He snapped – obviously his patience had run out. It was a very short thread, and those who weren't careful got burned; I didn't care at the moment. His words sent a bolt of anger running along my spine. I pulled out of his grip again, and glared at him harshly.

"Don't you dare say that again." My voice broke out in a low, cold voice after a few moments. I was stubborn when I was angry, and he got me angry.

"Say what? That I didn't do anything? I didn't, or if I did I don't remember it." He flashed back.

"Obviously not!" I snapped. "You would understand what you did if you remembered it!"

"Why would-!"

"You were drunk, bastard!" He seemed to be the only one to get me to yell anymore, but this time it was needed – I believed that it was anyway.

"What did I do?" He asked – eyes flashing – as he seemed to get himself under control. I could still hear the tone in his voice, but it seemed to have dropped slightly.  If I wasn't as angry as I was I probably would have admired how he seemed to cool down – on the outside – so fast. At the moment I was just too angry. I was angry, because I felt betrayed. I was so angry – so hurt – that I felt small pinpricks of tears threatening to spill.

"You had sex with me, dumb-ass."

"I did no su-" When he started his objection I could see his eyes working as if they were watching videos; skimming for what had happened. He broke off as his eyes filled with something else. "Sweet Zeus....... Hisoka.... I'm so-"

"If you say that you're sorry I will kill you."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"You should know better than anyone that I don't fight back." I gave a bitter smile. "Besides, you're stronger, and you were drunk. Tell me how I was supposed to fight against you when I'm weak, or as you put it: a fragile little kitten."

"Hisoka-"

"I told you to leave me alone, and now you know why. I want you to leave me alone...... You more than anyone."

"I didn-!"

"I don't care." I stated – my voice raising once more with every word. "You're worse than Kyou!" He seemed taken aback by my outburst, and when he spoke again his voice had lowered itself once more.

"Why would you say something like that? I am nothing like him, and I am certainly not worse." Ran said as he looked steadily at me.

"At least with Kyou I can expect what's coming." I replied – voice filled with cooling anger. The tears actually did start to fall; I could feel them making slow, steady trails down my cheeks. "With you I can't; that's what makes you worse."

"I didn't me-"

"It makes you worse." I repeated. "I thought you were different – I actually thought you were my friend." It was the last time I was making that mistake again. This was the second time, and it was not going to happen a third. When I said my next words my voice had gone quiet again."Now leave me alone."

"Hisoka." He started. "Let me say some-" I cut him off once again. I wasn't going to hear it – not today at least. I wasn't going to be fooled again.

"You said you would leave me alone once you found out what you did." I told him. "Must I count you out on that word of yours too." I watched as he slowly took a few steps back, and going over to the door before looking at me once more.

"What other word did you count me out on?"

"You said you would protect me." I forced my voice into remaining flat. "And you still hurt me." I had liked that – I had gotten used to taking it rough, and enjoying it too. If I told the truth I would have said that it was the best that I have had before, but I wasn't going to say that. Not when I was angry; not when I was feeling betrayed by the other. "You said that you would stop Kyou whenever he did that, and what did you do? You went ahead and did the same thing that he always does. You used me."

"Not on purpose." I heard his voice speaking, but the words were things that I didn't want to hear. "Whatever my body might have done it wasn't up to me. I didn't choose to do that to you!"

"You still did it."